We went out on a first date at a diner. The whole time, Skye would not stop touching me. I was so uncomfortable. At first, I tried to treat it as a joke and I would wriggle away. It was a first date and I didn’t want to kill the vibe. But they didn’t stop. At the restaurant, they moved next to me and grabbed my leg under the table. I asked them to stop and said that it was too much for a first date. They were angry and looked at me, asking “What, do you think I’m ugly?” That made me feel confused and guilty. That wasn’t what I meant at all. I was interested in them, just not in having someone invade my space. Going out on a date does not constitute consent for physical contact. Ask, and respect what the other person is comfortable with!

Sexual Coercion

When you go on a first date with someone, it is important to respect their boundaries. Everyone has different comfort levels in regard to physical touch. This example became sexual coercion when Skye responded to the person wanting to stop being touched by them by asking if they thought they were ugly. It can be awkward or even hurtful when someone does not want you to touch them, and it is alright if you feel unhappy at being told as much. However, responding with anger and guilt-tripping language, such as implying the person you are on a date with does not find you attractive, will not resolve the issue. Going on a date with someone is not a solo venture. You need to make sure both parties are comfortable with what is going on during it, and part of that is respecting physical boundaries set by the other person. Continual pressure for sexual activity constitutes sexual coercion and violates Section XIII.F.3 of Title IX.